So, you’ve heard this crazy idea that asking a girl 36 specific questions can make her fall in love? It’s floating around because of a study by some guy named Arthur Aron back in 1997. He tested it with strangers, had them ask these questions, and even made them stare into each other’s eyes for a bit. The point was to see if you could build a deep connection fast. It’s not some love spell, but it might help you get closer. I’m gonna walk you through it, explain how it works, and show you how to use it without sounding like a total creep. Let’s get into it.
Why This Might Work (Or Might Not)
The study had people start with easy stuff like “Who’d you pick for a dinner guest?” and move to heavy topics like “What’s your biggest regret?” The idea is that sharing personal stuff, good and bad, builds trust. If you both open up, it can feel like you’ve known each other longer than you have. That’s where the love part might kick in, or at least a strong bond.
But let’s be real, it’s not a sure thing. Love depends on a lot more: whether you click, the timing, all that jazz. If she’s not into you to start with, these questions won’t flip a switch. They’re more like a tool to break the ice and dig into real talk, way better than chatting about boring stuff like the news. The trick is making it feel natural, not like you’re following a robot’s script. If it feels forced, you’re done.
How to Actually Do This
You’re not gonna pull out a list and say, “Let’s do these 36 questions to fall in love!” That’s a fast track to awkward silence. Here’s how to make it work without looking weird.
Find a Good Spot
Pick a place where you can talk without people bugging you. A coffee shop works for the light stuff, but for the deep questions, like “What’s your worst memory?”, go somewhere quiet, like a park or your place. Don’t try this on a first date unless she’s super chill about it. It’s better for a second or third hangout, or if you’re already friends and want to get closer.
Start Easy and Go With the Flow
Kick off with the simple ones, like “Who’d you want to eat dinner with?” or “What’s your perfect day?” These get you talking without jumping into heavy territory. Take turns, and don’t just move on; react to what she says. If she picks a celeb like Taylor Swift, ask why or tell her about a song you like. The goal is to connect, not race through the list. If she’s not feeling it or looks uneasy, drop it. Pushing too hard kills the mood.
Move to the Deep Stuff Slowly
The questions get serious around number 11 (“Tell me your life story in four minutes”) and later with stuff like number 18 (“What’s your worst memory?”). Don’t rush there. If you’re still laughing about movies, jumping to “What do you regret?” will throw her off. Watch her mood; if she’s sharing a lot, go deeper. If she’s holding back, stick to the lighter ones. You don’t have to do all 36 at once; spread them out if it feels right.
Open Up Yourself
This isn’t just her spilling her guts; you’ve got to share, too. If she talks about a rough time growing up, don’t just sit there. Tell her something real about your life, even if it’s small. The study said that both of you being open is what makes it click. If you’re just asking questions like a cop, she’ll shut down.
The Eye Staring Bit
The study ends with four minutes of silent eye contact. Yeah, it’s weird. Don’t just spring it on her; that’s creepy if she’s not ready. If you’ve done a bunch of questions and things feel warm, you could joke, “Hey, wanna try that staring thing from the study?” If she’s game, go for it. If not, skip it. It’s not a must.
What the Questions Are About
I won’t list all 36 again (you’ve got them), but I’ll break them into groups to show how they build connection.
The Easy Start (Questions 1–12)
These are fun, like “Would you want to be famous?” or “What’s your perfect day?” They get you talking about dreams and random habits without getting too personal. Asking “When did you last sing?” might lead to a funny story about singing in the car. They help you both loosen up and find stuff in common. Tip: don’t speed through. If she loves hiking, ask about her favorite spot.
Getting Personal (Questions 13–24)
This is where it gets real. Questions like “What’s your best memory?” or “How close is your family?” make you think about what matters. If she shares a family story, you might tell one too, and suddenly you’re connecting over that. Watch out, stuff like “What’s your worst memory?” can hit hard. If she pauses, don’t push. Share something first to make it easier for her.
The Deep End (Questions 25–36)
These are the big ones, like “What would you regret not saying if you died tonight?” or “Tell me a problem and ask for advice.” They get you talking about fears and hopes, which can build trust fast. Answering “What’s too serious to joke about?” shows you her limits. This is where closeness can turn into something more, but only if you’re both honest. If it’s too much, save some for later.
Tips to Keep It Real
- No Script: Don’t pull out a list, it’s not an interview. Memorize a few or think of them as you go. If you forget, pick a couple and slide them into chat.
- Match Her Vibe: If she’s giving short answers, don’t push deep stuff. If she’s open, go with it. Pay attention.
- Switch It Up: You don’t have to follow the order. If you’re on dreams and question 14 fits, use it.
- Don’t Chase Love: This is about getting close, not forcing her to love you. Keep it real, and the rest follows.
Things to Avoid
Here’s where it can go wrong, and how to dodge it:
- Too Pushy: Rushing deep questions makes her feel grilled. Start light and let it grow.
- Not Listening: If you’re just waiting to talk, you’re missing it. Hear her out and reply to what she says.
- Missing Her Cues: If she dodges or looks uneasy, stop. Switch to easy talk or call it a day.
- Hoping for a Miracle: These won’t turn a bad match into love. If there’s no spark, you might just end up friends.
Why Give It a Shot
Even if love doesn’t happen, these questions let you really get to know someone. Most hangouts stay on the surface, movies, jobs, whatever. These cut through that and show who she is. If you’re both into it, you might feel closer than after weeks of small talk. Plus, it’s cool to learn random things, like if she’d pick a young mind or body at 90.
Last Bit
These 36 questions aren’t a love trick, but they’re a good way to build something real. Use them smart, pick the right time, be yourself, and don’t treat it like a to-do list. If it clicks, you might feel closer than you expected. If not, you’ve still got some neat stories. Keep it natural.
